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Monday, August 31, 2020

Being introvert in Covid-19 times

Concert in Covid-19 times: Only a limited number
 of visitors allowed because of the corona restrictions.


Suppose a close friend invites you for his birthday party, like every year. You don’t know most people that will come there and you always find it difficult to begin a conversation with someone you don’t know, so you are glad if another guest starts talking to you. You also don’t like those three kisses on the cheek that you are supposed to get from and give to people you hardly know when you or they come and leave. So, every year you are a bit reluctant to go, and you always look for an excuse. But in the end you do go, and usually you think later that it was not that bad there and that you have amused yourself. Nevertheless, each year again you would like to have an excuse when you get the invitation. However, this year is different because of the corona pandemic. It is not only that you would rather not go, like each year, but you also expect that more people will come than the corona restrictions allow. Moreover, you know that most infections take place in closed spaces with many people together. So, you’ll not feel safe there. And not only this: You feel even glad that now you have a good reason not to go! So, you call your friend and say that you’ll come another time when both of you can be just together. That is also what you actually prefer and really like: talking with someone in person and no other people around that distract you with small talk. Do you recognize this? Are you maybe such a kind of person? Then you probably are an introvert.
During these days of the Covid-19 pandemic especially big events like sports matches, concerts, mass meetings etc. are forbidden. If they are allowed they are allowed with only a limited number of participants and visitors, so that the rules of social distancing can be maintained. Even more, not only public meetings are forbidden or allowed only with restrictions, also private meetings sometimes are. Because of a new rise in the number of Covid-19 virus infections recently yet the Dutch government gave a strict advice to ask not more than six people to your house, so people that don’t belong to your family. However, introverts seldom invite so many people at the same time.
When you follow the Covid-19 news, one thing that you come across again and again is that it is so bad that big meetings and parties cannot be held and that people miss them. As a result parties are sometimes illegally held, in halls or in the open air under bridges and in parks. What you do not hear, however, is that there are many people who think that it’s only a pity and not more than that that big meetings and parties cannot be held. Of course, you have nothing against it that others have their pleasures, but why such a fuss about this ban on big meetings? It is as if everybody misses them and that everybody feels sick because they cannot take place. But lots of people think: There are other things that are by far more important now in this crisis. Moreover, now we have more time for face-to-face contacts. Now there is more opportunity to meet your friends in person and not in the mass. If you think so, you are probably an introvert, and in fact it is so then, of course, that you already meet your friends preferably only together with the two of you.
And those three kisses that I mentioned in the example I started this blog with? Most introverts hate them. Kisses are for people you really know and who you really like and love, not for people you know only superficially and have met only a few times before, so introverts think, and they are happy that also these kisses are not allowed now. They actually hope that they’ll never return when normal times have come back. Introverts, so I quoted Allison Abrams once in a blog (dated 3 July 2017), are not the first to give you a hug, but if they do feel honoured. They don’t let just anyone in... Their presence is a gift.
Is there then nothing that introverts miss? Are they happy with the restrictions that must chase the Covid-19 virus away? Of course not. Like everybody they don’t like it being limited in their freedom. Of course, also introverts like it to go to big events now and then. Also for them such events can be stimulating and joyful. But they can also give stress. What I personally miss, for instance, are the concerts I used to go to, once or twice a month. But it is because of the music in the first place, and not because of the mass of visitors. For me the concert I recently visited with only hundred other visitors (because of the corona restrictions) in a big music hall for more than 1500 people was as good as a concert in a full house.
Yes, I miss it, and I miss more, like my travels abroad. However, what I find so annoying in those discussions about the question whether big events must be allowed again is that apparently only the extrovert view counts (and the economic view as well), although there is a big group of people that has another view on it, the introverts, who comprise about a third of the population. 

P.S. And yes, I felt disappointed when last Friday a concert was cancelled that I wanted to visit.

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